74

Someday these things that hunt us will be memories

and we will not look back on them fondly

But maybe we'll be proud that we made it

So let that be our promise

73

I don't like myself as a person

I despise the way I am

Chained up in my own prison

Threw the key don't know where

These things that I can't say

'cause I don't understand

how can I feel so lonely

When you're holding my hand

Why can't I find a reason?

A wish to be someone new

Why am I so stupid

I really hate me

72

 When I push you away

most times

I don't do it on purpose

I'm just trying to stay

in my mind

level-headed and focused

'Cause it hurts to exist

every day

with these feelings that choke me

If I could just be free

someway

then I would let you love me

71

Hopeful, fearful, the sprout
of the flower that has yet to bloom
turns to sun and sees
the sight of the full moon.


Hopeless and tearful, the seed
that is hidden all its life
wants to be seen by those
who live on the outside.


Hopeful and cheerful, the flower
that brings colour to the world
wants to be admired, desired
as it lights up the gloom.


Hopeless and dreadful the leaf
torn away from its branch
watches itself fall
without being able to stop.

70

The bloom of the flowers is slowly closing
To give way to a colder time
And the dark of the night is slowly engulfing
The world filled with lights


And we take our jackets and ventour to the world
Against the winds and the rains
The warmth will come back someday
When the hopeful spring begins


But for now, the days will turn orange
The leaves will fall from the trees
Autumn, in its essential sunset
makes its way to us with ease.

69

I've run out of words
I don't know what to say
What to write
How to stay
Deep within a world
That makes me feel safe

My chest is a blank slate
With only my white bones
And my redish flesh
That does nothing to give
Does everything to get

To fill in the empty
With whatever it takes
Is always
A terrible mistake

If words were a star
They'd pass by my tongue
To search for those
More deserving
Whose writing would awe
And generate innumerable emotions
While I'm left behind
Wondering what happened

If this is the fate
Word have bestowed upon me
Erase from my heart
The need to use them
So that I can live
Without knowing my failure
To concieve meaningful sentences
So I can hide in my ignorance
And put up my defences
And believe I did the best I could

If this is the cross
Words have given me to bear
I don't to be a martyr
So release me from this death

68

When the night falls

Emotions rush through me

Like waves of sadness

Wanting to spill out

In my heart there's a flood

Of dark and murky waters

That want to burts my chest open

But stay anxiously waiting

When I lay down in bed

After holding on too long

The feeling always appears

To make me sad again.