63

Tell me it was a joke
That none of it was real
That you're still your own
Say how you feel

Show up at your door
And turn in the key
Say hi to your dog
Be happy and free

Tell me that you're here
Why wouldn't you be?
The fact that you are gone
I still can't believe

Make peace with your god
Ask her to forgive
The sins that you own
And come back here

Walk up to the show
And smile like you used to
Say your name, speak the words
You will never get to

Turn back every clock
And start living again
Receive all the love
You were meant to obtain.

62

I hate you for leaving
For hurting me so
I hate you, but really
I miss you a lot.

61

Young hearts are soft
And the words that pierce them
Are usually the most
Hurtful simple things

We measure our shots
And the ones that others get
We battle the odds
By tearing them down

Words hurt a lot
To those who believe them
As if they were their god
Who decides if they live or they die.

The feelings survive
Erupting in waves
Of pain in your eyes
Blodshoot from your veins

It cuts like a knife
Deep inside your soul
The hope you can't find
Is no longer home

Young hearts are dried
Buried under heavy tears
Losing the joy of being alive
Escaping the world with a sigh of relief.

60

A little flower
Just a tiny petal
Blooms in the snow

The sun shines upon it
That tiny oval
And makes it show

The rain falls down on it
That small pink thing
And makes it grow

The hail, relentlessly hits it
That fragile flower
And hurts it so

That little flower
Endures, endures
Until no more

Up to skies it turns
Just a tiny petal
And just lets go

Oh little flower
Of joy and sadness
I'll miss you so.

59

There's no reason to blame
There's no reason at all
I would have liked to let you know
What you meant to me.

How most things that I wrote
Were inspired by you
How I wish you would have grown
And proved all those people wrong.
How you would have survived
And you would have thrived.

But you can't anymore.
No more words will come from that voice.

58

It's been a week and a day
Since you left like a star
Silent and distantly
Leaving behind the light of your spark

And to be honest I'm still mad
And I think about you not being here
Everyday, while my heart is breaking
While I wish you'd been able to see

How missed you were going to be
How time can just tick away
And things could have been better
If you just get through everyday.

57

Why is the wind never on my side
As I stride amongst greys and greens and blues
The yellow shining blinds my sight
Emotions twirling, drowned in laughter
Of connections made some time ago
That continue wrapping themselves up
Hoping none of them lets go.

56

Hearing your voice like that hurts
And I blame myself for not being able to erase your pain
I want to tell you everything might be okay
But how can I, when we both know it might not be.
I'm sorry that I'm always lacking
When it comes to emotion and confort
I just want to be there for you
That's all I will do.

55

Everyday is fine
Except the ones
Where you cut the line
And the eyes that once
Saw through every lie
Tell me they don't care.
That the world is dark
And our souls are bare
Laying in this matress
Bleeding inner words
Like two ring fighters
Panting on the floor.
And the I start crumbling
Under the heavy blow
Of a life that's hiding
What I want to know.
If I start to whisper
And you start to scream
Everyday is nothing
But a sleepless dream.
When we'll say forever
Will it be a lie?
Some days are better
Most days are just fine.

54

You have made black a great colour
when mixed with a tiny stain of white on the chest
Your brown eyes that light ours
when you come and go in a play of fetch.

Your two cute little ears that I touch and grab like ponytails
that used to really annoy you before, now you let it be
I don't know if it's because it's alright now
Or you think it's better to ignore it and get it over with.

You lay in the most strange positions
and you must know that it makes us laugh a lot
the fact that you don't even seem to care
or mind how ridiculous you look.

You have brought us joy back
when we needed to feel a little better again
thank you for accepting us
with everything to offer and litte to gain.

53

Sometimes I am too cold and I regret it.
In your eyes I see that it hurts you.
And I want to undo things and erase me.

Other times I want more and I don't say it
Afraid you'll think I'm being a fool.
So I keep it closed inside me.

At times I am sure you must hate me
for behaving in such childish ways
And I hate you for affecting me.

Most times things are really good
and I wish I told you more often
how thankful you make me feel.

52

I want to tell so you many things
and because I am an idiot
I keep them all inside me
waiting for you to understand them.

I want to be brave enough
to allow myself to be vulnerable
but I have build strong forts
I don't know how to tear apart.

I want to be more honest with you
and confess you make me happy
with the things that you do
or by just being with me.

I want to confess my secrets
and repent of my sins
let you wipe away my tears
and simply let you in.

I want to love you fully
like I wish I could do now
and embrace you openly
without fear or doubt.

51

It slips away, furtive
and the blank page stares
at the eyes that look
at your fingers tapping the keys.

And what do you write?
What is there to tell
that no one has told before
better than you?

Trying is always good
but what's it worth
when no one will read this
and hear my voice.

Whas is this, really?
my own futile attemp
at going back in time
and learn myself again.