44

Thum thum thum
A heart that beats away
What does it beat for?

Thum thum thum
It never stops

And I guess I just want to say
that I'm a little scared
that this heart of mine
may be beating out of time
trying to fit the swing of your step
and the sound of your words.

43

You were the summer breeze
warm and soft
and gone with autumn.

I caught a glimpse of your truth
and then you hid it away
to keep you safe.

Every summer I wait for you
patiently, longly
I wait to see another piece of your puzzle
and years go by and I'm still waiting.
Waiting for the day I'll see you whole
or not see you at all.

42

I'm hurt when you're hurt.
But I don't always know when you are.
You hide it behind that bright smile that blinds me
and you make me believe you are okay.

Let me carry your pain.
Deep in your eyes, the tears swell up and you can't stop them.
Let me drown in them for you
and I'll twist and twirl through sadness just so it's not a part of you anymore.

It's been hard, I know, it still is.
I try to find the right words to tell you.
That I miss you and I miss you more.
And the days you lit up my life are not yet gone.

I want to be your beacon, even if from so far that I look like a star.
I'd guide you home, safe and sound, and embrace you in a blanket of warm admiration.

But where is home?
And where are you?
What are you doing?


Are you okay? That's my only concern.

41

When you were young
and stars were blue
and dreams where high
and the road ahead was unending,
that's where I love you.


(previously posted on May 5th, 2013)

40

I think in the coldest nights I loved you.
And I think that in the warmest days I did too.
I loved you when your teeth shone like pearls
and your eyes were two moons.
I did too when your skin was like sand
and there were flowers in your hair.

I think I probably loved everything about you.

Now, In the coldest nights I find myself missing you.
And just like that in the warmest days I do too.
It's okay now, because I still remember you.


(previously posted on May 5th, 2013)

39

You used to wonder
and travel towns and citys
(made up in your head)

Running down the hills
and taking shortcuts
(that ended up heading nowhere)

You laughed and you played
and youth seemed unbreakable
(but it all comes to an end)

So you wait for a star
a fallin comet in the sky, a sign
(to help you begin again)


(previously posted on May 5th, 2013)

38.5

I'd rather be a writer instead
and write myself as a sonet
but talking to about you with free verse.

With a methaphor, I'd tell you how lovely I think you are
and maybe as a contradiction you'll get mad.
So with a little sinalepsis of your brown eyes
you'd realize you're a personification of a dream
and I'm the poor human that watches it in awe.

(previously posted on May 5th, 2013)

38

I can't be a painter.
'Cause I can't paint
and much less draw.

Every paintbrush is divorced with my hands
as well as with my head.
Colors don't treat me well
and split or unite as they wish.
And like that, I can't do us any justice.

I can't paint our brown heads
or your red lips
in contrast with your white skin.
And it's unfair.

(previously posted on May 5th, 2013)

37

Let's smile
for the sake of smiling.
For the things we share and the things we don't.
Let's just smile.
Because we can and because we want to.
Just because it's healthy.
Because it makes you look handsome.

Let's just smile
as long as it makes us happy.

(previously posted on April 27th, 2013)

36

I swear that maybe
(just maybe)
there's a star in my heart.


(previously posted on April 27th, 2013)

35

Maybe we're just meant to see each other from far away.
I watch you when you play
and you see me while I wait.
We speak but we never really talk.
And the words are hidden behind a screen,
that hides our true selves.

It seems there's always something inbetween,
something keeping us apart.
And at the sime time,
something seems to be bringing us together.
Like how I decided I wanted to go for no apparent reason
only to find out you were also there.
And how you see through me, but never really me.

It's strange, isn't it?
How we seem to be bumping into each other.
But never see each other at all.


(previously posted on April 27th, 2013)

34

Don't worry about the weather outside,
it's always sunny inside
of me.
With a soft and warm light
that holds you when you wake up.
And as you go trough the day
a breeze rises up
and goes trough  your hair.
And the smell of your skin
finds it's place in my nose, in my brain, in my mind.
At the end of the day, you're always in my heart.
In my sunny colorful heart.
That beats because it has to.
But sometimes, I feel it beats to light you up.

So don't worry about the weather outside.
It'll always be sunny wherever you are
with me.


(previously posted on April 9th, 2013)

33

Thank you.
For doing nothing and making me smile.
I know sometimes it's hard.
But you keep resting your head on my shoulder.
And giving me hope.


(previously posted on February 17th, 2013)

32

You hold such grace with your ten dollar smile.
And  your heart on your sleeve.
No one has told you that.
But you should know.
Because you really do.

And it's okay.
'Cause I've never been the kind to like expensive things.
Or to jump without protection.
I should tell you now:
we are made for each other.
We really are.


(previously posted on February 17th, 2013)

31

I'm a little selfish.
Because sometimes I want you all for myself.
Singing softly songs about love, promises and time.


(previously posted on February 17th, 2013)

30

You're looking at me.
And you're smiling.
And suddenly everything is so bright.
Your innocence slips trough your mouth.
We are children again.
I take out my tongue to mock you.
But your eyes are so bright that I can't.
And in the middle of this,
there's no way I can write anything down.


When you look at me.
And I look back I realize I hate you.
For making me feel weak when you're around.
Weak and strong at the same time.
I hate our diferences.
How you are perfect and how I'll never be.
I hate how your brown orbs travel to find mine.
How in a shy glance I know all you want to say.


There's a sound. Your laugh.
And there's no way I can write anything down.


(previously posted on February 17th, 2013)

29

It's like I'm underwater
and I flow like a wave
up and down, up and down
hoping to crash.
Into you.


(previously posted on January 15th, 2013)

28

What happened?
Where am I now?
In the middle of myself I come to realize that maybe I'm lost.








I don't mind.

(previously posten on January 15th, 2013)

27

Sometimes it starts in your head.
And soon your stomach follows.
You wrinkle your nose.
But there's no way to move on.

Other times it starts with words.
That hurt more than they should.
Some unintended, some meant to.
And your heart drops.

Sometimes it starts with what you hear.
And how you think you'll never be good enough.
A knot ties your lungs together.
And it gets harder to breathe.

Other times I see it in myself
when I'm looking at the mirror
and I realize I'm wasting my time
trying to do things I really can't do.

Sometimes it starts with a song.
Or a melody, or a memory.

Doesn't really matter.


(previously posted on January 15th, 2013)

26

Right now
(if you said the right words)
I could cry.


(previously posted on January 13th, 2013)

25

I love your darks eyes and your hair.
I love that you're lazy and you sleep way too much.
I love everything about you.

Except when you cry.

I'm thankful for all the years we get to spend together.
And sad for all the years that we won't.
I'm happy with just the fact that you exist.

With no exceptions.


(previously posted on November 26th, 2012)

24

26th november 2012 is the day I've been closest to death.
Or at least I think so.
I remember the cold sweat, the shivers.
I remember the pain.
The pain I thought would never go away.
Sitting on the floor without knowing what to do.
Without even knowing what time it was or who I was.
I just wanted the pain to go away, to end.
And it seemed unending.


26th november 2012 is the day I've been the most scared.
Asking for everything to fade away.
Sensing dread around me.
Not being able to move, just whince in pain.
I don't remember if I cried.
I don't really remember.


26th november 2012 is the day I've regained myself.
And I've found out that I'm stronger than I thought.
And maybe a little bit smarter as well.


(previously posted on November 26th, 2012)

23

Sometimes I want you to kiss me.
Put our lips together like lemon and honey.
I would like for you to walk with me.
And when it's time to leave you'd cup my face and caress my cheeks.
You'd look at me with those eyes of yours and you'd lean closer.
And our lips would meet.
Shyly at first, only a sweet touch.
Bolder later, when you've gained confidence.
And I probably wouldn't know what to do.
But I'd kiss you back.
And lemon and honey would happen all over again.



(previously posted on November 26th, 2012)

22

I think I've been wrong all this time.
I've been wrong for thinking I was tied to the past.
When maybe you are my future.
I've been clinging onto something that has never existed.
Hoping for it to exist.

And you open my eyes one rainy day telling me how you're glad you met me.
Telling me about how you feel lucky we're friends.
And I realize, right there, that I've been wrong.
That maybe it's time to leave the past and ignore the future.
Maybe is time to just live the present.


(previously posted on November 3rd, 2012)

21

Sometimes I want to cut it.
The invisible read thread that ties our pinkie fingers together.
Sometimes I want to cut it and run away.
Go to the deepest of my soul, to the farthest galaxy of my being.
To find myself before finding you.
And then come back with an invisible red rope.
And tie it around our chests.
So our hearts are the ones who walk together.
Instead of our hands.


(previously posted on November 3rd, 2012)

20

You're back.
And I'm so happy.
They greet you with open arms and you can't stop smiling because this is where you belong.
They've missed you. You know it.
They will probably never tell you how empty it felt without you.
But you won't need to hear it.
Because you are family and you just know these things.
And I, watching you from far away, am so happy that they've missed you as much as I have.
Because you are someone especial.
You all are.
And when I miss you and my heart hurts I think that at least you're happy.

And you're back and the air returns to my lungs with your smile and those always open arms that make it all fade away.
And then, I find myself missing you already.
Because you are a part of me.


(previously posted on October 19th, 2012)

19

I feel like being abstract today.
Maybe it is because I'm really tired or just because.
I don't feel like telling you about myself.
About who I am and how everytime your hand runs trough your hair I wish it was my hand instead.

I feel abstract today.
A bunch of parts that don't make sense but create a whole.
And I think I'm just tired.
I'm tired of having to be something concrete, something understandable.

I want you to be abstract with me.
Be a bunch of unmatches colours together.
Holding each other's hand.
Without having to make any sense.


(previously posted on October 19th, 2012)

18

I don't even know why you've let me down.
You just have.
And as I look at you, at your unfamiliar face, my eyes don't light up anymore.
And I'm so sorry for it.
Maybe time will heal.


(previously posted on October 19th, 2012)

17

I'm so tired.
I'm so tired of you attacking me, of you making me cry.
I'm so tired of giving you the time you don't deserve.
I'm tired of letting you hurt me.

And you keep throwing your shit at me.
Playing the victim.
You want every little piece of me.
You want me broken to the core.
You're getting there, don't worry.

Because I keep on fighting a lost battle.
Do you want to win?
Well now you've won.
Leave me alone. Just leave.

I'm tired of being tired.
And it's all your fault.


(previously posted on October 19th, 2012)

16

You look so strange now, after all this time.
But you're still the same.
Looking at you I feel like I don't remember you.
And at the same time your face is so familiar.
Like going back home.

I'm glad you're smiling again.
I'm glad you're not hiding ashamed of a mistake you didn't make.
You're still the little child I liked.
You are the grown up man I like.
So keep it going boy.
And light the world with your smile and your strenght.
Don't let anybody shut you down.
Because you know it and I know it and it's a fact.
You're better than all of them.


(previously posted on August 14th, 2012)

15

Break me down.
I'll let you believe I'm strong when I know I'm not.
I'll cry a river.
And I will build a bridge over it and rise.
Higher than ever.
Over your head.


(previously posted on August 14th, 2012)

14

You've hit the final blow.
And now I'm down.

You've hit it just like you hit all the others.
Through your disguise.
Your fake compliments.
The smiles. The reassuring words you never meant.
All these touches you gave.
The look in  your eyes.

Your disguise.

And I've been seeing through it for a while.
And I've let you get off with it because I thought that maybe somewhere there in the middle you'd find mercy.
But you didn't.

Now you've hit the final blow and knocked me down.
And you'll most likely make sure things stay this way.



(previously posted on August 12th, 2012)

13

You'll be the end of me.
But I'd rather you were a beggining.
Holding my hand until the end of time.
Until you burn me down with that spark in your eyes.





(previously posted on August 4th, 2012)

12

Thinking about it now, I don't remember when it happened.
When I changed. When I realized I had changed.
When you saw bad in the things I thought were good.
When you stopped whispering. When I stopped listening.
I don't remember what happened.
Just like I don't remember your face anymore.


I just remember waking up one day and knowing things had changed.
I had changed. You had changed. We had both changed.
I remember waking up next to you. I remember the smell of your skin.
The way your body trembled under my touch.
The way your lips opened up when you said you loved me.
I remember knowing it.
Just like I know you're not coming back anymore.





(previously posted on August 4th, 2012)

11

Tomorrow, your voice will come to me.
And with a kiss I'll close my eyes.
To hear it.
To take you in.
To miss you a little less.
I'll close my eyes and you'll see them shut.
And you'll think I'm sleeping.
And you'll whisper quietly those words hidden in your soul.
Then you'll lie next to me without saying a word.
And the silence will hold us both to sleep


Tomorrow my heart will open up to you.
And with a prayer it will reach your soul.
To explain what I don't dare to.
To let you in.
To make you miss me a little more.
With a prayer it will reach your soul.
And you'll smile and say you know.
And it will all linger there between what we say and what we mean.
I'll pull you closer to me.
And love will help us both to breathe.






(previously posted on July 22nd, 2012)

10

It's a rush of joy.
Freedom.
Sun on your face.
Water on your feet.
And time.
Time to do anything you want.




(previously posted on July 7th, 2012)

9

You wake up with the first rays of sunlight.
Your brown eyes reflecting what I can't say. Reflecting what we both know.
My heart beating faster at the sight of you and your smile getting wider at the sight of me.
Your voice softly caressing my ear in a whisper.
Like a secret.

The sun at its peak. You and I together.
Laughing. Just like we used to when we used to be less than this.
Your heart beating faster because of who we are and my dreams growing bigger because of your hope.
My hands gently touching your hair.
Like velvet.

Twilight.
And your face looks so tired yet so gentle that all I want is to cup it in my hands and let you rest.
You breathe out your exhaustion. And I help you recover.
My heart beating faster because of your face and your pride becoming waker because of me.
Your eyes longinly search for mine and find them.
Like a treasure.

The sun fades away as we lay here, side by side.
And the moon makes your skin paler. It gives you a glow I can't help but staring at.
Our hearts beating faster. Us begginning to understand why.
My lips shyly kiss yours in a fragile but strong touch.
Like love.




(previously posted on June 19th, 2012)

8

For a moment there, I wanted to disappear.
Be anywhere else but there.
Breathe somewhere else's air.
That moment was the whole night.
I didn't even look at the stars and thought about how small we really are. And how big we think ourselves to be.
I didn't even look at the ground and thought how gravity keeps on pulling us back.
How it will never allow us to fly.
I would have liked to fly away.
And get lost.

Instead, I stared at the horizon for the night. I looked into nothing. I tried to find what was missing. But I didn't find it. I found nothing.
Boredom. Hope. Sadness. Hypocrysm. 
All of them together in a place that doesn't exist. In a place I kept on looking the entire night.
Because it's just like me.
Stuck at the same place between two things.
Not belonging anywhere.





(previously posted on June 18th, 2012)

7

You've got a cute face. A child-like face.
And I can't help but to treat you like a kid.
It's funny though, 'cause you're older than me. But I'm sure you don't mind.
You seem like a child to me. Like a kid I need and want to protect. 
You may wonder why and the truth is I don't know. You know I've never been good with words.
I miss that face. That cute child-like face. I haven't seen it for a while and I miss it. You know I've been busy with other stuff lately and you're always busy.
And it's that face that brings me home. To a warm one. 
And I wish that, maybe, maybe you liked my face too. Maybe you can't help but to treat me like a child because, in the end, I'm younger than you. I wish maybe you'd want to protect me too.
I wish my face was your home.
In fact, I wish I was your home.
Maybe. Who knows.





(previously posted on June 13th, 2012)

6

You close your eyes and everything is quiet.
Everything is peaceful. Beautiful.
For a moment, you let yourself get lost. You let yourself forget everything.
You are free.
Just for a tiny moment.
Silence has never been so sweet, so welcoming.
And you adore it.




(previously posted on June 11th, 2012)

5

Your dimples show when you smile.
And I love them. 
Because it means you're smiling.
Because it means that you are closer to happiness at that exact moment. 
And seeing you happy makes me happy. 
I guess I can't explain it. 
There are just so many things I can't explain but I still feel. 
And this is one of those. 
The feeling I get when you smile. 
You smile for the world to see because such a thing cannot be missed out. 
You show your teeth. Your eyes grow smaller. Your lips twirl up.
And your dimples show.
And I automatically know. 
I know that right there, right at that exact moment, a part of you opens up, and fills us all with this love and this happy feeling you emanate.
I'ts just a smile. A beautiful one.
They say smiles are the best thing you can give. 
I think it's true everytime I see yours.
So don't stop smiling.





(previously posted on June 10th, 2012)

4

I got caught up on something.
Something that gave me a little bit of light. And trust me, I need as much light as I can get.
It was fun. It made me forget, for a second. And I loved it, I loved laughing with it, playing with it. Creating new things just for the pure pleasure of doing it. Without obligations. Without expectations. Just doing it for the sake of doing it. Because for the first time in a long time I actually felt like doing it.
It's weird and I don't even know if it will happen again. All I know was that I needed it and I was so glad that I was able to loosen up a little bit and let go of everything that's taking over me lately that I would have never stopped.
But I did. And I'm not sad nor depressed. It gave me strenght, something I've been needing for weeks. They say it's the little things that matter. I guess they're right.
The smaller ray of light can still guide you trough the darkness.




(previously posted on June 7th, 2012)

3

I need to breathe, beacause I'm choking.
Everything is coming down on me, like a big black shadow taking every piece of light I have left.
I'm stressed and I'm tired. And I have way too many things to do and way too little time and spirits to do them that just the thought of it makes me anxious, and suffocates me.
I need to breathe fully, openly. I need to fill my lungs until they burn, I need to feel freedom in every breath I take, whereas right now, all I get are chains. Circling my body from within, trapping me. 
I can't have any of it, not yet. And I need it so much I feel like crying at the thought of it. I feel like crying because I need to breathe, I want to breathe so badly that I feel like breaking down. 
I'm on the verge. And it's eather I find the strenght to breathe again or I just simply... fall.






(previously posted on June 5th, 2012)

2

It's funny how you get attached to things. 
It's curious.
It's strange how you can get to know and love things so fast, without even noticing it, without giving it a second glance, without having to think about it twice. Things are just there, and you just happen to love them and admire them so much that sometimes you wonder what made you feel like that before you found them out. And the funniest thing is you can't remember. Because there isn't a place without it anymore. It doesn't exist. 
It's nice.
It's great loving things, making them a part of yourself, learning things from them. Keeping them under your skin, so deep, that no one but you knows just how much love you feel. It's there tough, in your eyes when you think about it. In your smile when you remember it. In your blush when you recall it. In the way your eyebrows rise and your eyelids close. It's there, everywhere. 
And it's beautiful.




(previously posted on June 4th, 2012)

1

It's sad how we're slowly fading apart. 
Do you think we saw this coming? Do you think last year when we promised to stay together as one we knew this would happen? I think maybe we did. The possiblity was always there. Maybe we didn't want to look at it straight in the face and pretended that there was nothing that could possibly go wrong. And now look at us. Well, look at you. And then look at me. Because there barely isn't something we can call "us" anymore. 
It all happened without us noticing. Or maybe we noticed. I think I noticed. And I guess I could say that it all went by so fast that before we could stop to think we were already so far from each other... It's not like we built walls between, is just that they rose by themselves and we didn't fight to bring them down. Why didn't we? Perhaps we didn't wish to. Perhaps we were too tired to try. 
Are you doing okay? I feel you so far away from us now. Like you're no longer home. Like you're just someone I used to know. Don't you find it just plain sad?
We can't go back. I've changed. You've changed. We're not who we were last year anymore. Everything has changed and you've decided that we're not the thing you want anymore. And I guess I've decided that you're not the thing I wanna know anymore.




(previously posted on April 28th, 2012)

Introduction

I had a blog where I wrote things (that are to be reposted now) but I can't seem to remember the password nor the user name and since I don't want to lose it and follow it I had no other solution but to create another blog.

Last blog was: stawawayfrom.blogspot.com in case anyone is wondering and so I'm not accused of anything.